Sunday, March 1, 2009

Why Coldplay Sucks

Andy Partridge of XTC said it best: "[Coldplay is] the musical equivalent of that corporate art you get in Holiday Inn foyers. A lot of orange stripes, over a bit of turquoise."

Listen to Clocks and Speed of Sound, and try and tell me with a straight face that they're different songs.

For that matter, listen to the drum track in 90% of their music. Then hum the piano riff from "Clocks." Isn't it funny how every song has the same tempo and the same basic drum beat? It's something like this:

Snare-Bass-Bass-Snare-Bass

-Bass-Snare-Bass. Repeat for three minutes.

Bands Colplay has ripped off:

The Creaky Boards

"Viva La Vida" sounds almost exactly like this indie band's "The Songs I Didn't Write."

This indie band posted a video on Youtube last summer, showing extreme similarities between the two songs. The thing is that The Creaky Boards wrote their song in early 2007, and first performed it at a show that Coldplay frontman Chris Martin attended.

Joe Satriani

"Viva La Vida" intro compared to Satriani's "If I Could Fly."


Early in December of last year, Joe Satriani sued Colplay, accusing them of stealing the melody of "Viva La Vida's" intro from him. So... seems like that song is the product of two artist's hard work, and neither of those artists are in Coldplay...


U2

Find me a single song by Coldplay that doesn't sound like it could have been written by Bono twenty years ago, and you get a cookie.


Radiohead

This is an actual quote from Chris Martin:

"I don't think we'd be anywhere if Radiohead didn't exist. I think we're like why Diet Coke was big. Because some people couldn't handle Coke. That's how I see Coldplay."

Not only did he admit what I've been saying all along (I've been saying Coldplay is like Radiohead for stupid people.), but he also compared his music to Diet Coke, a watered down version of a superior product that is bought by people who have grown accustomed to not having any flavor in their soda. Also, the artificial sweetener in Diet Coke contributes to cancer. Does Colplay cause cancer? Probably, but I can't prove that yet.

Jeff Buckley

Another quote from Chris Martin, about their song "Yellow":

"It's a blatant Jeff Buckley attempt. Not quite as good, that's what I think."

Not only did he admit to ripping off Jeff Buckley, but he admitted it wasn't as good as Jeff Buckley. Humble, or just stupid? You decide.

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12 comments:

  1. Tosser, coldplay is incredible music regardless of who you think it sounds like, belittling one band doesn't make the other music any better, sure its all good music but coldplay is just as good. (better)

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  2. FUUU
    COLDPLAY=NO ORIGINALITY

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  3. Dude, honestly, if you don't like Coldplay, nobody's forcing you to listen to them. I listen to their music and find them quite enjoyable. Although, if anything, I agree with you on the U2 thing.

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  4. sheesh nobody forced you to listen to it, why dont you look at youself before judging others IDIOT

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  5. You're such an idiot. Really? I have listened to the album Viva La Viva probably dozens of times and none of them sound the exact same. Sure, Clocks and Speed of Sound verses are a bit similar, but not even close to enough to say they sound the same.

    That's the first time I have heard about that quote, but if he did say it I doubt he would be insulting the band like the interpreted he did. You're probably just some Radiohead fanboy who can't accept the fact Coldplay exists and is stealing away Radiohead fans. That and Viva la Vida sounds nothing like the songs you linked us to.

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  6. Eloquently put. It's refreshing to see an article like this that is respectfully written by someone who isn't just trashing the band for the heck of it.
    I actually think most of the conflict in the ongoing Coldplay argument comes not from the people who hate Coldplay, but from the fans of the band themselves. "WHAT?! You don't like Coldplay?!?! The greatest band ever! Fuck you!"

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  7. The Creaky Boards thing was resolved. Coldplay showed them a demo of Viva La Vida before the Creaky Boards performed that song and they chose not to sue.

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  8. Then why don't you make a song urself and listen to how it sounds like LOL! You just don't have nothing better to do hehe i feel sad for u... u must be very lonely. :(

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  9. Wow! I am a quite big coldplay fan but I did not know about ripping of some songs. A quite shock to be honest with you. I do not like their new album ghost stories it is very EDMish but I notice I keep humming a sky full of stars as this song gets stuck in your head. As I am a big fan of coldplay and coldplay lyrics I usually sing along with every track of coldplay but this is not going to happen with this album, although I will keeping humming a sky full of stars haha! Great post, thanks

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  10. haha great article, fully agree!

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